Balanced Bites Podcast | Diane Sanfilippo & Liz Wolfe

Podcast Episode #276: What Dieting Doesn’t Resolve

Diane Sanfilippo Featured, Podcast Episodes 0 Comments

Topics

1. News and updates from Diane & Liz [2:34]
2. What Diane’s digging right now: Bob’s Red Mill gluten free blend [11:26]
3. GA revisit to episode 253: Listener comments [14:11]
4. Enough is enough; finding happiness now [19:09]
5. Handling a stumble [27:04]
6. Idolization of gurus [30:51]
7. When you’re not good enough [37:37]
8. Liz talks littles: Toddler anger [47:19]

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You’re listening to the Balanced Bites podcast episode 276.

Diane Sanfilippo: Welcome to the Balanced Bites podcast. I’m Diane; a certified nutrition consultant, and the New York Times bestselling author of Practical Paleo and The 21-Day Sugar Detox. I live in San Francisco with my husband and fur kids. I love the steam room at my gym so much, that I may go back later today just to sit in there, despite having worked out and steamed it up already this morning.

Liz Wolfe: I’m Liz; a nutritional therapy practitioner, and author of the Wall Street Journal best-seller Eat the Yolks; The Purely Primal Skincare Guide; and the online program Baby Making and Beyond. I live on a farm in the mystical land of the Midwest, outside of Kansas City, and I changed a steamy diaper this morning.

We’re the co-creators of the Balanced Bites Master Class, which is now officially open for enrollment, and we’ve been bringing you this award winning podcast for 5 years and counting. We’re here to share our take on modern paleo living, answer your questions, and chat with leading health and wellness experts. Enjoy this week’s episode, and submit your questions at http://balancedbites.com. Before we get started, let’s hear from one of our sponsors.

Diane Sanfilippo: Pete’s Paleo has opened a new location on the East Coast. Since they’re still operating out of San Diego, as well; this means local produce and meat coming from both coasts. And drastically reduced shipping prices. Check out their new and improved website, www.PetesPaleo.com to take advantage of low shipping rates; and be sure to use coupon code 1FREEBACON. That’s the number 1; free bacon, and receive a free half pound of bacon with the purchase of a meal plan. Go to www.PetesPaleo.com.

Liz Wolfe: Hey everyone, it’s me, Liz here with Diane.

Diane Sanfilippo: Oh hey.

Liz Wolfe: Oh hey; note, Diane quickly says hey.

Diane Sanfilippo: {laughs} Was that fast enough for you this week?

Liz Wolfe: That was fine I supposed. I just want that kind of “who’s on first” back and forth thing, you know, like we’re in an old timey movie; I don’t know.

Diane Sanfilippo: I’m trying. But I usually mute while you’re doing your whole intro dealio.

Liz Wolfe: Blame it on the mute.

Diane Sanfilippo: So I have to unmute.

Liz Wolfe: Blame it on the mute; that’s what I always do.

Diane Sanfilippo: I’m going to. {laughs}

1. News and updates from Diane & Liz [2:34]

Liz Wolfe: Ok. So what’s going on with you? What are your updates for us this week?

Diane Sanfilippo: What has everybody been up to?

Liz Wolfe: {laughs}

Diane Sanfilippo: Every time, I just want to say that.

Liz Wolfe: Can I tell you real quick; I watched, the other night, I was fortunate enough to have a husband that went to a going away party that was supposed to be a drop by, but it did not end up being a drop by, he ended up staying for a really long time. So I had the good fortune of drinking a bottle of champagne {laughs} and watching the movie Sisters, followed by the movie How to be Single; both of which I’d completely written off as probably being completely stupid, and both of which I was actually quite entertained by. Speaking of Amy Poehler; she’s great.

Diane Sanfilippo: Sisters; yeah, I did see that. I saw Sisters; that’s the Amy Poehler, Tina Fey movie, right?

Liz Wolfe: Yes.

Diane Sanfilippo: I think I saw it once on an airplane. That’s such an airplane movie.

Liz Wolfe: That is an airplane movie. It was pretty entertaining. And then How to be Single was pretty ok too.

Diane Sanfilippo: How to be Single is pretty funny.

Liz Wolfe: Yeah.

Diane Sanfilippo: I’ll take a Friday night with How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and How to be Single. We’re both totally happily married, but I will watch those two movies back to back on a Friday night any week.

Liz Wolfe: I would probably watch how to Lose a Guy in 10 Days with commercials if I had to. Because Matthew McConaughey is my fave.

Diane Sanfilippo: {laughs}

Liz Wolfe: He acts the; it does not matter what it is. I think I’ve said this before, I’m so impressed with that man, because I swear to you the reason he is successful is because he does the crap out of anything he ever attempts. He acted the crap out of the Buick commercial, or whatever it was.

Diane Sanfilippo: {laughing}

Liz Wolfe: He acted the hell out of that How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. He puts 100% effort into every single thing he does, and I love that about him.

Diane Sanfilippo: I mean, yes. Agreed.

Liz Wolfe: How can you not.

Diane Sanfilippo: I know. So as evidenced by the amazing nasally sound I’ve got going on today, I’ve got a little cold, so I’m fighting that. I mean, I feel like today it’s starting to try to get me. This is the third attempt that a cold has made at taking me down. You know what I’m talking about; the scratchy throat.

Liz Wolfe: Mm-hmm.

Diane Sanfilippo: It hit you guys right before you came out here. But with natural remedies and all these things that we’ve got at our fingertips, usually when I feel something; when I feel that energy hit; the low energy hit I should say; hitting that brick wall, where you’re like; why do I feel so tired. Or you feel that scratchy throat or whatever it is; I basically inundate my body with every remedy I have and the last two times this happened, I basically kind of kept it at bay. And this time is trying a bit harder; so if you guys want to check out episode 235 we talked about natural cold care, and I’m doing all of the things we talked about in that episode. I also finally ordered a new humidifier, because the one I had from the 1970s that I was so obsessed with, because it literally would take an entire gallon of water and put it into the air over the course of the night, which was pretty much my favorite thing ever. I feel like most modern humidifiers don’t dump that much water into the air. But I had to get rid of it, it just kind of stopped working. I think it’s older than I am, so I can’t really blame it.

But I’ve also got a video up on the website about natural cold care and all the things that I do; so if you guys want to check that out, or if you want to check out just whatever other videos I may have over at http://balancedbites.com/videos you can find all that good stuff. But the steam room was awesome this morning; I had not yet used it. I think I joined that gym in May, maybe, and this was the first time. Or maybe it was March; whatever. This was the first time I’d used the steam room. I didn’t know it was going to smell like eucalyptus in there, and at first I was totally kind of annoyed by it because I just don’t like strong smells unless it’s food. {laughs} But it really, 5-10 minutes into it, I was like; yep, I could pretty much stay in here all day. But anyway, got myself out. So yeah, that’s it. Seems like it’s a good idea from what I’ve read on the subject of, not only a steam room, which is basically life-sized humidifier room, and eucalyptus seems to be great for sinuses. So I’ll be back there again.

What else? Spice blends are now for sale! Huzzah! Hopefully by the time this episode airs, they won’t be sold out. They’re coming in two small batches initially, and then they’re probably going to be gone for, unfortunately, a couple of months because the first batch I ordered just; it wasn’t that many. You know, I don’t know. This is a big undertaking so I didn’t go too far into it right out of the gate. But I know you guys have been waiting, and there was a whole batch that were released probably about a week or so ago when this episode airs, and then some more will release after the new year, and then we’ll see what happens. They will have a full on release; including the Everything Bagel spice blend and my Trifecta blend; those will all come out with the full release that will be sometime this spring. So those are the updates over here on this coast. What’s up over there?

Liz Wolfe: Why do you always got to ask me that, man?

Diane Sanfilippo: {laughs}

Liz Wolfe: Well, I do have one fantastic update. I mean, this is our update, but the Master Class enrollment opened this week on Monday, 12/26. We thought we’d get a jump on everybody who wants to start the New Year with a bang. We’ve got a Facebook interest group for anyone who has more questions beyond what’s been answered on the info page at http://balancedbites.com/MasterClass. And if you search Balanced Bites Master Class, you should see the interest group. It’s named Balanced Bites Master Class interest group. You’ll see that pop up and you can request to join if you need to learn more; or you could just go right ahead and sign up. It’s all very exciting. I can’t believe this is finally happening.

Diane Sanfilippo: I don’t even feel like it’s real, because it’s been so long in the works. I’m excited. I’m excited after having our beta testers go through it. And all of our beta testers have been practitioners. So we’re seeing how kind of light bulbs are turning on for them while they go through the course, and one of the comments was, and just as a heads up the practitioner course versus the student course; the modules themselves, the videos themselves are the same. What you’re asked to do after watching them and if you want to listen to the audio as a reminder, or whatever; but what you’re asked to do with the information is more intense if you sign up as a practitioner than it is if you sign up just as a student. But the practitioners, some of the feedback has been like, wow. This is a lot. It’s work, and I’m learning a lot. I think it’s a little more demanding than some of our practitioners anticipated, but for me I’m fine with that, because I don’t want someone to be underwhelmed. I’d rather you come into our program and feel a little bit like; you know, this was a lot.

But I know information like this is slightly challenging even to our practitioners, and what we’re asking of them, that’s where you learn something. Because if we just throw information at you that you already know all of it, and you can fill in the blanks without going through the course, then what’s the value there? But I think it’s going to be amazing, and today’s topic definitely flows right into what we’re doing with the course because we’re talking about dieting today, and what we’re doing in the course is so opposite of that. It’s really giving people so much information, and empowerment, and I’m just psyched. I can’t wait to see as people dig into the modules, and the videos, and I don’t know sit down with their cup of tea on the weekend and start watching our lessons. I don’t know; I’m just psyched about it. I feel like it’s been so long I can’t believe it’s real at this point.

Liz Wolfe: Pretty much. I think this is probably the culmination of the productivity of our friendship {laughs}.

Diane Sanfilippo: {laughs}

Liz Wolfe: And now it’s only downhill from here. Just kidding.

Diane Sanfilippo: {laughs}

2. What Diane’s digging right now: Bob’s Red Mill gluten free blend [11:26]

Liz Wolfe: Alright, so before we begin, do you want to let everybody know what you’re digging right now?

Diane Sanfilippo: Sure, I can do that. This is not a sponsored note, just as a side note; although I’ve been posting about this so much I feel like I should be calling them up and being like; hey, you want to sponsor my posts? I’ve been really digging this Bob’s Red Mill one for one or one to one gluten free flour blend. It comes in; I think it just comes in a clear bag with a blue label. I can get it in bulk around here at one of our hippie coop grocery stores, but you can get it; I don’t know if Whole Foods has it all the time, but you can probably order it online. It’s been working really great. If you guys saw me post the sausage gravy and biscuits; the biscuits are made with this blend. I made the ninja bread men that we posted on Instagram; we did a little cookie decorating Instagram contest. Those I made with that blend. It’s been great in place of flour in a gravy, for example.

So you know; if paleo friendly flours are not what you need. For me; I can do arrowroot and tapioca starch, and I can do coconut flour; but I can’t do nut flours. So finding a gluten free flour blend that doesn’t upset my digestion at all; which this one does not; has been pretty great because I can enjoy; you know, I had leftover biscuit and sausage gravy this morning, and it absolutely does not upset my stomach at all. So I love it; I’m digging it. I’m trying not to go to crazy baking too much, because then we have too many baked things in the house. But it’s a good blend; I really like it. So hopefully you guys; I don’t know, if you check it out, let me know what you think.

Liz Wolfe: The Balanced Bites podcast is sponsored in part by the Nutritional Therapy Association. The NTA trains and certifies nutritional therapy practitioners and consultants (including me; I’m an NTP), emphasizing bio-individuality and the range of dietary strategies that support wellness. The NTA emphasizes local, whole, properly prepared nutrient dense foods as the key to restoring balance and enhancing the body’s ability to heal. Nutritional therapy practitioners and consultants learn a wide range of tools and techniques to assess and correct nutritional imbalances. To learn lots more about the nutritional therapy program, go to http://www.NutritionalTherapy.com. There are workshop venues in the US, Canada, and Australia, so chances are you’ll be able to find a venue that works for you.

3. A revisit to episode 253: Listener comments [14:11]

Diane Sanfilippo: Alright. So for this weeks’ episode, we wanted to dig into something that we know struck a chord with a lot of you guys back in episode 253, which was entitled, “Are you Accidentally Dieting” and I think that, Liz, was part of; I don’t know, that dovetailed off of an email that you sent out that a ton of people responded to. And it’s really this whole topic of diets. This is the time of year where everyone is kind of cleaning things up, or starting challenges, or making resolutions, as we’ve talked about; whether it’s a 30-day paleo challenge, even a 21-Day Sugar Detox of course; season influx at this time of year. While we’re certainly not here to smack talk about a challenge; right, they serve a purpose, they have a place. I’ve done my share of them. We know you guys have learned so much from different challenges, and of course, it’s a program that I have and still run, the 21-Day Sugar Detox. I think it does help and teach so many people a ton of things.

But we know that you guys have developed your understanding of this stuff, and we want to dig in on some other things that we see happening when people take on a nutrition challenge or simply change their way of eating in favor of healthier habits. Because oddly, there are a lot of downsides to this awakening. And this idea that everything we knew about good nutrition was wrong; the idea that what we thought was healthy may not be; it spends a ton of folks into a tail spin. Literally, I see people falling down these rabbit holes of constant food eliminations, in the name of health, but actually sacrificing health and sanity along the way. I’m just kind of watching what’s going on with the way people interact with the information that I post and just kind of what’s going on in the community in general of, not just paleo, but I don’t know; social media and the internet and looking to others to teach us, looking to gurus, or looking to people who might appear a certain way aesthetically or have overcome something in their lives as the one thing that you want to model is whatever they’re doing. And I think we need to address that and just kind of have a little conversation about it, and I think our listeners can definitely benefit from that.

Liz Wolfe: Ok, so maybe we should come back to some listener feedback that we got on that accidentally dieting episode. I really hope everybody goes back to listen to that one; anybody that hasn’t listened to it yet. Alright, let me read this little comment we got here. “I’ve been binge listening since I found you ladies on Spotify a couple of months ago. I absolutely love your podcast. This episode really touched me, as I've recovered from an eating disorder and struggle with eating clean all the time and feeling guilty if I don’t. I appreciated the list of symptoms, and took that as an opportunity to reflect on my actions and behaviors and analyze if I’m as recovered as I think I am. I’ve experienced food shaming quite often, as if I can’t live a little and have a treat too. I’m eager to reflect more on this topic and overcome shame in regard to food. Thanks for all you do.”

Let’s see; we might have a couple more here. This one; “Thank you so much for this episode. I’ve been listening to you both for a few months now, and I felt like I finally found the paleo nutrition real food voices I’ve been looking for. This was definitely a pivotal episode for me, though. I’ve been trying to follow a paleo lifestyle for over 5 years, but it has always been a diet thing for me; for sure. I could never quite put my finger on why I’ve always felt like a yo-yo getting on and falling off the paleo wagon, and punishing myself for being a failure. I’m a fitness instructor, mom, and wife, and I’ve always felt this pressure to set a perfect example. People around me watch what I eat, and comment if I’m making a choice that doesn’t fit into the standard they think I lived by, and I realized today that I do the same thing to myself. I try to put a label on what kind of eater I am; what plan I’m following. When I listen to your podcast, it was like I flashed back to the 90’s, and realized I’ve always made it about a diet. Low-fat, low-carb, no-sugar, paleo, clean, whatever. The point was always to ‘stick to the plan.’ Thank you sincerely for opening this discussion and creating space for imperfect people to take off the masks and acknowledge that at the end of the day, we need to focus on the most important things, like loving ourselves, our bodies, and our families, and all their imperfect glory. I can’t wait to see you guys in Austin.”

And if I could point out really quick; perfect as we think of it is not a real thing. To me, perfection is imperfection. {laughs} It’s being me in your body, and embracing yourself and making choices that you can feel joy about; that’s perfection. So perfection is much more about bringing your mind around, to understanding that everything is good, and well, and achievable versus becoming that person that you think you’re supposed to be; that you follow the rules all the time, etc., etc.

Diane Sanfilippo: I think eventually people figure out that that’s a lie, you know?

Liz Wolfe: Yeah. I hope so.

4. Enough is enough; finding happiness now [19:09]

Diane Sanfilippo: Like you won’t ever get there. I think what’s funny, too, is you and I have talked a lot on this show about different ways of eating. I don’t know if it’s happened as much for you; but my body has changed this way and that way over the years, and you know, there were times when it was lean and shredded, and not only was I unhealthy, but I didn’t even see it aesthetically for what it was. Where, at a certain point in time in my mind’s eye, that would have been ideal, and yet at the time, I wasn’t happy. So I think going through that and figuring out that {laughs} even if you achieve whatever it is that you think that you’re trying to achieve right now, you probably won’t be happy with it, and you might not even recognize it when you get there. So, I don’t know. Anyway. I think sometimes when we talk about that; when we talk about letting go of some of those expectations, or we talk about not constantly trying to strive for this perfect ideal that doesn’t exist; I think sometimes people can mistake it for us not supporting growth and change and moving in positive directions and I personally believe that self improvement doesn’t need to be mutually exclusive from self acceptance and self love. I think they can have a huge amount of cross over, and that’s where I’d really love to see our listeners getting to this place of; you know.

And we talk about this all the time, right? We go through different stages in our lives. Most recently you’ve been talking about trying to find a work/life balance with having a kid who’s like a year and a half plus, and kind of dipping your toes back into maybe doing some more work, or figuring that out. That’s a part of self improvement. It’s always trying to figure something out better, just because, you know. We do something and we want to change it; and in our minds, change leads to something better; typically. Right? When it’s a change that we made by choice.

I just want people to understand that as we go through some of these ideas, it’s not about saying, if you want to lose weight, that’s not ok. You know what I mean? You don’t have to forgo the goals while you are ok with where you are, if that makes sense.

Liz Wolfe: Yes.

Diane Sanfilippo: {laughs} Anyway.

Liz Wolfe: No, not anyway. This is something that I think about a lot with the time that I have to actually think and focus on thoughts. But; ok, for me this is kind of what it comes down to: the ability to stick with something and make change; because the whole point of everything that we do surrounding food and wellness; it’s about affecting change. It’s about the end result. And we get so focused on this little minutia, this; what goes into my mouth at what time of day and what the macro composition is; we get so focused on those little things that we forget that the end goal is not well served by those things for most people.

So, what I’ve kind of come around to is that the ability to stick with something, and to make change doesn’t come down to what plan you choose to follow; it comes down to what you know. And I didn’t stick to anything until I had a full understanding of what food does in my body, and how the body works; digestion, all that good stuff. And once I knew more coupled with understanding the mindset aspect, which you’ve always been really big on; the choices became second nature. So, it’s kind of one of those things where you’re looking across a big wide river, and it seems like; wow, the easiest way to get to the other bank is just to try and swim directly across this current; well you know you’re going to get swept away. So why don’t you walk down a half a mile or so, use the bridge, and then you’ll be on the other side without all of that mess and that difficulty.

Diane Sanfilippo: {laughs} I like that analogy.

Liz Wolfe: Yeah.

Diane Sanfilippo: And I feel like when it comes to learning and having teachers; sometimes the word guru becomes a little crazy, but it really does just mean teachers. I think having teachers is fair. Right? Because we don’t always just stumble across the right path, across the river, on our own. You might come across somebody on the path who you can ask, you know. What’s the best way to get across? But maybe for them the best way to get across isn’t going to end up being the best way for you to get across. So I think this is where what you’re talking about, just having a plan to follow, doesn’t typically work in the long term.

Or even, I’ve said this a million times about the Sugar Detox; I don’t’ want you doing this program time and time again. I don’t want you to constantly come back to the 21-Day Sugar Detox every time you feel like you need a reset. And my one caveat about that is; if you’re a coach and you’re taking people through it, and you want to just do it with them out of solidarity; then fine. Because it supports them if they feel like you’re doing it with them. But I do think that you need to figure out what works for you. You need to know why something works in your body or doesn’t, and you need to know why you respond certain ways to either rules around food or not rules. Or the expectation of you maintaining a plan or not.

And this is the stuff that I’ve talked about a lot that I have gotten so obsessed with around habits and expectations and what we all do, and knowing that I rebel against most expectations. I have to feel like something that I do to change what I’m eating or how I’m exercising or how I’m sleeping or any of that. I have to feel like that is a 100% match and in alignment with who I believe I am as a person. So, when I decide to make a change, it’s because this is my identity. But for a lot of people, the tendency is to just oblige to some rules that other people have made. And I think in this era of information and the internet and we’re posting truths about food all the time, it’s so easy to get caught up in somebody else’s truth. And following what somebody else says we should be doing all the time, and then consistently almost chipping away at this; like you’ve got a pile of information that you might know to be true, and I think it’s fair to chip away at some of that because you and I teach; we teach this in the Master Class. There is a lot that we’ve been taught about good food or good nutrition that’s totally wrong. And we have to chip away at that stuff and get it off. It’s like chipping the plaque off the teeth.

And then at a certain point you have to realize; when is enough, enough? When do you have enough information, when do you know yourself well enough to say, “Now I just need to do some things with what I know. I need to apply it to myself. And I need to do that for a while.” Because one month; two months, even three months isn’t really long enough to see how things will affect you in the longer term. And unfortunately, we’ve just come to this place where it becomes much more of a diet mentality when we think we’re doing something for the short term instead of understanding, like you said; why does this work in my body a certain way; how does this food fuel me differently than that food; and which thing do I need to eat because I know this is how it nourishes my body, and not about it’s just a list or a rule or something like that.

5. Handling a stumble [27:04]

Liz Wolfe: So when you say you need to do it for a while; let’s throw in there, because it’s like a rubber band. You get pulled away from this; {laughs} I don’t know, and then you just snap back. So when you say you need to do it for a while, you don’t mean, “Ok now you have to be extremely compliant and go back to that diet mentality now that you’ve got those other things in place.”

Diane Sanfilippo: Right.

Liz Wolfe: No; it’s about, “Ok, I see the road ahead, and the road ahead is these choices as a general rule until they become second nature.” As in, you’re not going to process your behavior as a failure, or as falling off the wagon. So maybe two weeks down the road, you do something that you would normally look at as a huge screw up. That’s where you take responsibility for your mindset, and say; “ok, no big deal, back on the wagon tomorrow.” Not, “Oh, shoot, I ruined everything, now I have to go find a completely different road like 6 miles away.”

Diane Sanfilippo: Yeah. Yeah, or, “I have to ask my guru what to do all the time.”

Liz Wolfe: Mm-hmm.

Diane Sanfilippo: I think a lot of times, there’s a couple of things that can happen. One can be a self sabotage; where we feel like, it’s too hard, or we just don’t know, and we just kind of give up on ourselves. But also to your point; I think if we kind of {laughs} let’s just; if we eat something that’s not what we said, you know, “I want to be doing this now. I’m going to eat paleo.” And then one day you eat something that’s not paleo. I think there’s just a punishment that people are creating around it, or a slap on the wrist, or something. There’s more attached to it than there needs to be, and I feel like your own body’s reaction to the food is where; and your own emotional state around whatever happened, whether you let yourself down, or whatever it is. It begins and ends whenever you eat the food, and then it’s gone. And maybe you have a physical ramification from it. But what I want people to be freed from is, there is some kind of guilt or shame or “I shouldn’t have done this” or what have you that lives on beyond, “I ate the food, and maybe have a feeling about it, and huh. Ok, that’s interesting.”

I think we have to sometimes pull ourselves out of our own body in a sense and look at the situation and be like, “Did I just eat that because I was bored or because I was lonely or what have you?” That really takes a long time and some extra work. And I feel like, honestly 90% of the time when folks say they can’t stick to a plan, or they can’t stick to a diet, or they’re constantly failing at whatever they’re trying to do; it really has nothing to do with the food. You know; like you were saying. Once you know what to eat, if you’re an emotional eater and you’re having issues with food because it’s an emotional thing, it doesn’t have anything to do with the food. I can’t say that more strongly than I already am. It’s not about the food; it’s just not. It’s about your emotions in a moment, and like you said; taking responsibility for that, and it isn’t about, “Well I chose to eat this chocolate covered fig, or four, I’m going to feel a certain way about it.” It’s just not the food. It’s so much more than that. Tangent, perhaps.

6. Idolization of gurus [30:51]

Diane Sanfilippo: One thing that I wanted to get into was something that I see a lot, which is this constant; you know, I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s a guruization or idolization. Is that a word?

Liz Wolfe: Sure. {laughs}

Diane Sanfilippo: Of people on the internet, you know. You see people posting their perfect ideal scenario, their perfectly posed selfie, their; I don’t even know. I don’t know what the internet. I will tell you, Liz, I give you a gold medal for the least seemingly curated Instagram posts. I truly appreciate how raw and real I feel like, of all people, your Instagram is still what Instagram really was supposed to be. I can’t even say that about myself; which pains me just a little bit. But; I mean do you see people doing that? I mean they do it to you, too, right? It’s like, well whatever you're doing must be right and must be the best. That must be better than what I’m doing. How do we get people away from that, especially in this world of dieting and food dogma?

Liz Wolfe: I don’t know man. I think; it’s just a tendency that we all probably have a little bit to build an image of somebody that we follow in our minds that is not accurate. For example; I haven’t met that many celebrities in my lifetime; at least not many that I remember at this very moment. But I did meet Val Kilmer {laughs} one time, and in my head he was Ice Man. I know. He was Ice Man in my head. Like, that’s what he looked like; that’s who he was.

Diane Sanfilippo: {laughs}

Liz Wolfe: And then I met him, and he was not Ice Man. And it was very interesting and kind of sobering, because I realized that that was my stuff that I was putting on this human that I had never met. And I don’t know how much it’s my responsibility to be like, “Hey,” {laughs} I don’t know what people think I look like in real life. I’ve curated things at least slightly, but you know, it’s nice to have a nice picture of yourself out there here and there. But I mean, short of taking a picture of my cellulite, and my face and hair right after I get up; I cannot stress enough that we are just humans trying to help other humans who are exactly the same, except for maybe they don’t have a podcast. You know what I mean?

Diane Sanfilippo: Mm-hmm. I do.

Liz Wolfe: We just need to stop thinking of people that we follow as “other” people. I don’t know. I don’t know; that doesn’t sound like; you know what I mean. I mean this; not that people look up to me, or look at me in a certain way, or think I am something that I’m not.

Diane Sanfilippo: But they do.

Liz Wolfe: But they do sometimes.

Diane Sanfilippo: Yeah. Well I think the reason that this happens; and it’s totally understandable. At some point, we decided to have the courage to share what we’re doing in life or what have you, out there, you know. And I think at one point in time, the only folks who had information shared publicly about them were movie stars, and celebrities, and people who chose to be kind of in the limelight, and have this fame. And now there’s this cross section of teacher and famous person, you know. It started a little bit; maybe it didn’t start, but it happened with celebrity chefs, right. They’re on TV, teaching you how to cook, and then it became this, “But you’re on TV doing this other thing, and now you’re famous, but the thing that you really want to be doing is just cooking.”

For you and I, we started working with clients one on one, and then teaching classes, and teaching classes in person, and then social media kind of blew up. And then it becomes this, everyone is looking to other people to help them, but maybe not realizing that we all have our struggles, you know. You and I don’t have everything figured out about health and nutrition to the Nth degree. We know a lot, and this is something we’ve studied a lot; and then there are a lot of things we don’t know about, too. And I think one thing that happens with the diet mentality or the guru; the diet guru mentality is; we don’t want to accept a slight flailing. If somebody sees me do something that doesn’t adhere to; like you said about Val Kilmer {laughs}. If I post that I’m eating something that doesn’t maintain some standard that somebody expected of me; I mean, people fall off the rails. This has happened to our friend Juli of PaleOMG; she posts some kind of Starbucks drink, and literally… I mean the amount of people that kind of lose their minds about it, it’s staggering.

And I think; what we’re trying to do with the stuff that we teach you guys here on the podcast and in the Master Class is get you the information so that then you have that flexibility and wiggle room and freedom to make choices on your own without having to always touch back to; “What would Liz and Diane say.” Or what did it say in Practical Paleo; what did it say in Eat the Yolks.” At some point, you have to know that information. And this is something we teach in the class, actually, it just kind of occurred to me. At some point, you have to transcend the information where you’re no longer constantly questioning yourself and checking back in where it does become second nature, and it does become second nature too if you eat something that you feel like isn’t part of what you want to be eating all the time that you do just get kind of back on track the next day, but there isn’t this whole thought process involved with it, you know. It’s not even like a conscious thing; it’s just, “I had the food, the next day I don’t have it.” You don’t even think about it anymore.

I think, Liz, you and I are probably in that place where, you know, if I ate a dozen gluten free ninja bread men, it doesn’t need to be this whole conversation with myself. Like, “I can’t believe I did that, and I’m going to feel so bad.” It’s like, literally, next day, it’s kale and eggs for breakfast. There are no more thoughts around it. It’s not guilt, or shame, or any of that. It’s like; “That’s what I ate. I liked it; tasted good, enjoyable, had a good time with my friends. Moving on.” You know?

Liz Wolfe: Don’t over think it.

7. When you’re not good enough [37:37]

Diane Sanfilippo: Don’t over think it. So, what about people who are assuming what they’re doing isn’t good enough? Like, it’s not enough, it’s not strict enough, or they’re seeing that there are all these other ways to do something that could be better. What about what’s going on there.

Liz Wolfe: Well; so, what is the picture. Ok, this is where it gets kind of hard. Because when I first started out as a practitioner, I was like; “I want people to get exactly what they want. I want whoever wants to look like Alessandra Ambrosio, I want to help them do that.” But a lot of being a practitioner, I think, or being your own practitioner, is to; I don’t want to say adjust your expectations, because that sounds like settle for less. You know? But that’s not what it is. I want folks to really examine their feelings surrounding self worth, and worthiness, and success, and decide what is actually worthy of effort and time versus what kind of default picture they have in their head, maybe from societal influence or from Instagram, interest worthy influences, the things that they see that aren’t necessarily reality. And maybe adjust their picture of success before they start to fail. You know what I’m saying? Before they start to work towards a goal that is not valid.

Diane Sanfilippo: Yeah, totally. Yeah, I think so. I think people set completely unrealistic expectations and timelines, and pictures of what’s going to happen and what’s going to change. And that’s something I’ve been talking about a bit on my videos, even with resolutions, I think we talked about it last week, with the idea that people think they’re going to lose 100 pounds, and that becomes the goal that they set or some aesthetic that they want to achieve, and I think people do need to focus on what they’re going to do every day instead of this idea that, “I’m going to set out to lose 100 pounds.”

But I do think also that looking to experts all the time becomes overwhelming because whether it’s an expert like you or I on nutrition and education, right? Or it’s somebody who, and this is obviously hugely powerful and persuasive, and sometimes motivating for some and sometimes demotivating. Like a fitness competitor, or somebody who’s got pictures of their physical body being shared, and it somehow is a visual aesthetic that is an ideal to you. And you have no idea how either naturally that comes to them, or not. For some people, it’s so much easier to achieve that look than for others. But for a lot of people, it’s their job.

Like, this is our job. It’s part of my job to eat food that I’m making recipes, and I’m trying things. That’s part of my job to find new products for you guys to try. And I think it’s fair to want to be healthy; you know, and improve your health, but I think it’s also important to understand that it may not b e your job to push your body to those extremes all the time. And I’m not trying to say that to deter people, or to say, “well, just because it’s not your job you shouldn’t train,” or whatever, but I remember back years and years ago when I was overtraining; seriously overtraining, drove myself to adrenal fatigue, and I was comparing myself to Olympic athletes. Like, no joke, thinking to myself thinking, “well they train X number of hours a day.” They train, I don’t know how many hours, but at the time I probably thought, “Well they train at least 4-6 hours a day, so what’s the big deal if I train 2-3?” No joke, I was training two to three hours a day. I would work out with my trainer, then I would go to cardio kickboxing, or I would go run on the treadmill for an hour, and I would literally train for 2 hours a day pretty much every single day. Because what I was comparing myself to was an Olympic athlete. That’s the danger of what happens here. You want to compare yourself to some ideal that you think is out there; it may not even be real.

One of the other communities I see; not necessarily the comparison thing, but I see this assuming what you’re doing isn’t good enough, or strict enough, or maybe even hard enough. Like, if you’re not hard enough on yourself, you're not going to get healthier. I see this in the autoimmune community a lot. I think that community is amazing, and needed, and is helping so many people. So don’t mistake what I’m saying to mean it’s not helpful or productive. But I do think that, just like chipping away at anybody’s beliefs around what’s healthy for them, there needs to be a stopping point and a realization that it’s not always about just making things stricter or being harder on yourself.

This is where someone like Jessica Flannigan, who wrote The Loving Diet, which it’s not really about being on a diet, and we had her on the podcast probably, I think it was around a year ago maybe. I can’t remember exactly. But I love the way that she approaches this stuff, because it’s all about a lot more grace, and love, and forgiveness, and acceptance, and just kind of not beating ourselves up as much. She definitely doesn’t come from the whole weight loss aesthetic camp, she comes from the autoimmune camp. But I think that we see a lot of these issues cropping up in both sides. And I think we’ve got listeners who are probably in both of those camps. So I just want people to know that that’s not something they need to feel all the time. What you’re doing isn’t good enough; because it is. Doing more, restricting more, is probably not going to be more productive for you at a certain point in time.

Liz Wolfe: Comparing yourself to an Olympic athlete is as ridiculous as comparing yourself to a celebrity, or a pseudocelebrity {laughs} or comparing yourself to a super model. It is ridiculous, and it’s a waste of time. It’s designed to be a waste of time, because most of those professions require people to watch and care in order for them to make any kind of revenue for that. So it’s kind of designed that way, so don’t be distracted. Don’t fall into that trap; it is a trap.

44.33

Diane Sanfilippo: Mm-hmm. For sure. Well, I think to kind of wrap up this topic a little bit on dieting and really not having people get too far off track, I just want to encourage folks. If it’s something that you feel like you have lost touch with how to just figure out what’s going on with your own body; how to take the information that you either know already or you’re open and willing and excited to learn about and apply it to what’s going on in your life, and make it personal but also have a community to talk about it where it’s not about dieting and it’s not about restricting and it’s not about finger pointing or constantly; I don’t know, just kind of saying that you’re doing it wrong or any of that.

That’s really what the Master Class is all about. And it’s something that you and I used to teach for a full day, in a room with folks, but we’ve ended up expanding it and making it so much more than that, and having a journal where each module you’re learning the information, you’re learning about how we’re influenced. You’re learning about digestion, you’re learning about blood sugar, and then you’re making notes about what’s going on in your life to find; maybe you’re doing just great with the blood sugar stuff. The journaling is not about always finding problems to fix; you might just be checking it off. Like, yep, got that under control; next. Let’s not pay attention to that anymore, because I’m doing great with that. And that’s what we want people to know and to learn, so that you can figure out; what is something that could be worth in your life and your health.

Where are you doing just fine? Where are you doing more than fine; where are you doing great? And to just feel confident and calm about that, and be able to move through making your food choices without so much stress and anxiety all the time. So if that sounds like it would be fun, and interesting, and exciting, and a welcome change in your life, definitely join us for the Master Class. It kicks off in January, but enrollment is now open. We’d love to see you inside there.

Liz Wolfe: Today’s podcast is sponsored by Vital Choice Seafood and Organics, where a healthy diet is a vital choice. Purveyors of wild fish, shellfish, grass-fed beef and bison; Vital Choice offers premium quality, sustainably sourced foods that are wildly delicious and delivered to your door. With minimal prep from freezer to table, it’s easy to get delicious protein like wild Alaskan salmon (my favorite) and Wagyu beef into your paleo menu rotation. Vital Choice also has a wide array of ready to eat canned seafood along with satisfying snacks like organic dark chocolates, super antioxidant trail mix, and bison jerky. Celebrate the holidays, and your health, with premium seafood and organics from www.vitalchoice.com.

8. Liz talks littles: Toddler anger [47:19]

Diane Sanfilippo: Alright, Liz. Do you have a parenthood tip for us this week?

Liz Wolfe: Ok, so I think going forward, this should be called, #LizTalksLittles.

Diane Sanfilippo: {laughs} Ok.

Liz Wolfe: Because I don’t know that I’m really qualified to give parenting tips, but I’m certainly happy to share experiences and what’s working for us. So maybe let’s call it that.

Alright, so this is something I’m dealing with right now. Sometimes, toddlers get frustrated and they lash out, and they hit. So here and there my toddler will do that; usually it’s when she’s a little overtired or frustrated and just doesn’t know where that energy should go and so it kind of comes out of her swinging hand. A couple of the parenting, I don’t know, philosophers that I follow, the way of the peaceful parent and peaceful parenting and hand in hand parenting; I’ve really gained a lot from them, but what I’ve learned overall is that you really, of course, have to have a sense for your child as well as what works for you and your family. So I’m not saying everybody should do this. Please, just remember that I’m not trying to be instructive. I’m not trying to be didactic; I’m just trying to give examples.

So the thing that has really been profound for us, and for me, is not to look at the behavior as bad behavior, but to look at the root of that behavior; what is causing it, and rather than treat the symptom, which is the behavior, to treat the underlying situation. So, when a kid hits; of course, maybe they’re tired. Maybe they’re over stimulated. But deep underneath that is just a need for connection, and a need for love and understanding. I feel like when a toddler; in particular, my toddler, feels out of control, that’s when the lashing out happens. And the thing that has been so effective for me is not just to remain calm, because I think that’s very important. I really like the RIE philosophy that suggests that children need strong, confident leaders as much as possible, so they know that you are strong, that are steady, that they can rely on you and lean on you when they’re feeling insecure.

I like that idea, but I also think that you can start there; but you can also exude empathy and love and compassion when things like hitting happens. So yesterday, instead of what I had been doing, which is just to put her down if she were to hit me, just to say, “hitting hurts, I won’t let you hit.” I decided to take it one step further and try to connect with her at the deepest level that I could. At first, I felt like, well, is this going to be rewarding the behavior? But it really did not play out like that.

So we had a little bit of hitting, and instead of putting her down and remaining calm but not “rewarding the behavior by continuing to interact with her.” Instead, I actually picked her up, gave her a hug, and I said, “I know it’s really hard sometimes. It’s really hard.” And she just looked at me and gave me the biggest hug, and it was just this moment where she knew that I was trying to understand her, and she knew that I was there for her, and it completely diffused the underlying behavior, and it made the rest of the night super peaceful. So it was a real light bulb moment for me, that it’s more than just staying steady and being calm versus being punitive. It’s about really connecting, and looking at those opportunities to let your kid know that you hear them, that you’re open to whatever is underneath; what’s going on, and whatever is causing their arm to swing, and it seemed to work really well for us. So, yay!

Diane Sanfilippo: That is fascinating. I love it.

Liz Wolfe: It’s been pretty cool.

Diane Sanfilippo: I feel like, so often, your tips or talk about littles applies to adults as well.

Liz Wolfe: Absolutely! Every time I come across something like this, I realize; wow, when I’m upset, or I feel out of control, I just want to be understood.

Diane Sanfilippo: Mm-hmm.

Liz Wolfe: I don’t want someone to tell me, “That’s not ok.”

Diane Sanfilippo: Yeah. You just want to be heard. And they don’t have the words.

Liz Wolfe: Yes.

Diane Sanfilippo: So it comes out of their fists, I guess.

Liz Wolfe: 100%.

Diane Sanfilippo: That was good; I liked it!

Liz Wolfe: Thanks!

Diane Sanfilippo: I learn so much from you, friend.

Liz Wolfe: Alright, well I guess that’s it for this week. You can find me, Liz, at http://realfoodliz.com/ and you can find Diane at http://dianesanfilippo.com. Join our email lists for free goodies and updates that you don’t find anywhere else on our website or on the podcast. While you’re on the internet, leave us an iTunes review. See you next week or in the Master Class.

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